Blue Fox Shaman

Another episode of The Marriage of Heaven and Hell

Fox: Here they are, all freshly fitted, cleaned and pressed…

Bärchen: You didn’t do my laundry, did you? I mean, that’s nice if you did, but I don’t expect it. I’ve always done my own.

Fox: No, silly! These are your Power Garments. They just arrived. Clothes do make the Man, at least, Power Garments do. Or do they say the Man makes the Power Garments? That second one sounds better. Let’s go with that one. And let’s have you try them on.

Bärchen: Now? I thought we were going to watch a Buster Keaton movie.

Fox: We’ll have time to do both. Pretty please?

Bärchen: Okay, when you ask it that way.

[… Fox helps Bärchen try on a wool frock coat, wool trousers, and a top hat, accessorized with a sword cane …]

Bärchen: These are beginning to look distinctly 19th Century British; late 19th Century to be exact.

Fox: That’s in keeping with your college experience–sitting around your professor’s office sipping brandy and translating Euripides.

Bärchen: True. And, hey, it looks like you’re wearing something from that era. Nice dress! But, what do you make of all this?

Fox: Why this time period? Well, that’s when Western European Civilization began a more serious, though often misguided, exploration of what you and I call Non-Ordinary Reality. We’re kinda hopin’ to set things right in that regard.

Bärchen: A less flawed, more rigorous exploration, I guess. Cut the mumbo-jumbo. Well, not “cut” it, deconstruct it in the light of Postmodernist principles. Yeah. I know. Hard sell, confusing to everybody, and me without much social capital to use to make our case.

Fox: Any, actually. But you look great in them. And I have some other…things, to get us started for real and seriously.

Bärchen: Some things?

Fox: Unbutton that Frock Coat, stay awhile, and I’ll show you… First, remember when we got you your Time Travelers License and took the tour with Paracelsus?

Bärchen: Yes?

Fox: Well, he noticed my tail, and frankly, I didn’t even try to hide it, what with his reputation for esoteric knowledge. So, since he knew I was a Kitsune, I think he called me a Shape Shifter, he gave me a spare Translator’s Stone he had. I was to gift it to you as soon as you were ready to start traveling.

Bärchen: Oh, wow!

Fox: Just one problem with it. Which is not really a problem, too much, if you always check the translation against the body language.

Bärchen: How do you mean?

Fox: Well, he said one time it translated “I wish you a life-giving soup” when it should have been “I’m going to boil you alive”. You know, little things like that.

Bärchen: Hmmm… Sounds like AI.

Fox: It very well could be. I’m not sure of its provenance before Paracelsus. It could very well be from our future just as well as his.

Bärchen: Okay then. Duly noted. And very useful just the same.

Fox: The second thing I’ve got for you is a present from me. I got you… ta da! your Shaman’s Rattle.

[… Fox hands Bärchen a rattle…]

Bärchen: Oh, cool! […he shakes the rattle…] Nice sound, too. Thank you so much, sweetie!

Fox: You’re welcome! Yep. Just an old rattle in Ordinary Reality, but it has special powers just the same. Kinda like Faery Gold. When you bring that back from Faery Land, it’s just a pile of dead leaves.

Bärchen: Speaking of which, gold that is, did it set you back much, money-wise?

Fox: Well, let’s just say it didn’t cost me all that much in Ordinary Reality. Do you know, from Non-Ordinary Reality to Ordinary the exchange rate is just terrible. I can’t believe how expensive things are in your Reality. But we put different values on things, I guess. I mean, we see dead leaves like you see gold in your world. It doesn’t turn into leaves in your Ordinary Reality, it always was just leaves. But, yeah, to actually buy a gold coin in Ordinary Reality would take a truckload of dead leaves.

Bärchen: Several truckloads.

Fox: Uh huh. Anyway, hope you like it.

Bärchen: It’s perfect…like you.

Fox: Dunno ’bout that. But I’m glad we’re ready to be off Traveling. Isn’t it exciting?!

Bärchen: It is, and the rattle is lovely, but I’m just confused by one thing.

Fox: What’s that?

Bärchen: What connection does it have with Traveling? I mean, I know you. You’ve got something up your sleeve. How am I supposed to use this?

Fox: Moi? Something up my sleeve? You do know me, my love. Yes, you can use this to call Traveler’s Assistance.

Bärchen: Traveler’s Assistance? Will I need that in the Realms?

Fox: Well, so, you have safe passage through all the Realms of Non-Ordinary Reality…

Bärchen: Thanks to you, my familiar, my wife.

Fox: Ooh, now it’s my turn to get tingly. But there are times when you might need assistance. With this you can call up several different Spirits who will help. Whoever is on call at that time.

Bärchen: In case I get in a jam?

Fox: Well, you’ll mostly need second opinions and clarifications. You’ll see, but there’s lots of times when the Spirits of the Realms talk in riddles. It’s just the way things are. So, it has that efficacy, that power, in Non-Ordinary Reality. In Ordinary Reality it is nothing more than a rattle, but in Non-Ordinary Reality it allows you to call on a Spirit to help you. It’s a particular type of Summoning. You’ll show the Spirit your ring, then give them a command to carry out. But I insist you always be polite, and you know what I told you about asking for Miracles.

Bärchen: Oh! I wouldn’t dream of being that obnoxious. I know what it’s like to be in the Service Industry. Uh… do I tip?

Fox: It depends. And there’s one other thing it can do, or place it can take you, I should say.

Bärchen: A place? Not in the Realms?

Fox: You know it as the Well of Wyrd.

Bärchen: Really?! Whoa!

Fox: Uh, huh. In fact, you know… you are dressed for it already. What say we pop over there and say “Hello!”?

Bärchen: [flabbergasted] I’m dressed for… Uh, I guess…okay.

Fox: I packed a picnic basket for lunch by the Well. In the shade of the Tree, of course. I kinda told them to be expecting us.

Bärchen: They? The Norns? The Fates? Or as you refer to them, the ΜΟΙΡΑΙ (Morai)?

Fox: Yes, that’s them. You’ll be meeting them. I’ll introduce them to you when we get there. So, when you’re ready, shake dat thang!

Bärchen: Okay. I’ll give this a try.

[… Bärchen shakes the Shaman’s Rattle three times and says…]

Bärchen: By the Well…Beneath the Tree…Where work they Wyrd…We needs must be!

[… Fox and Bärchen are transported to a grassy field brightly lit but without the Sun. Beyond the field all dissolves in a bright mist, while in the middle grows an ancient and gnarled, many-branched Tree. Beneath that Tree is a pool of water, a spring bubbling up from unknown depths. The spring is ringed with ashlar masonry of white stones, and its waters nurture and sustain the Tree. Around that pool are three Women–one is spinning wool with a drop spindle, another measures the length of the thread, and the last one snips the thread with scissors. Fox and Bärchen approach as the Women continue to work, but nonetheless they acknowledge the presence of their visitors…]

Fox: So, Bärchen, these are the Morai. Clotho, the one who is spinning, is Professor of History at Hell University. Lachesis, with the yard stick, is Managing Director of Karma, Incorporated. And Atropos, with those beautiful scissors, is Chief Operations Officer at Death, Limited.

Bärchen: I’m very pleased to meet you… I must say, I’m very honored.

Fox: And you know, Clotho, I so loved your course on the History of Mankind at Hell University! I’m sure you hear that all the time. Sorry for being another bubbly fan.

[…the Women put down their work…]

Clotho: I do hear that all the time, but that’s fine. I still get a kick out of teaching it, which is probably the main reason anyone likes it. But, I had heard that you were working directly with Mankind now.

Fox: Yes.

Clotho: Not very many of my students get the opportunity, so I’d love to pick your brain sometime.

Fox: Absolutely! So, the reason we called on you today is to introduce you to the Human I’m working with. And I brought a picnic basket full of goodies to share.

Clotho: Well, thank you! And welcome, Bärchen!

Bärchen: We hope we’re not keeping you from your work?

Lachesis: Oh, not at all! We can’t be doing that all the time or we’d go crazy. Time actually operates a little differently here. I don’t know if you can feel it?

Bärchen: Yes, I think so. Normally Time is a piece of music leading up to a climax, a goal, but Time here is like endless variations on an evolving theme. Fascinating!

Atropos: You got an interesting one here, sis! Good to meet you, Bärchen!

Fox: Atropos and I go way back. She’s Persephone’s Left-Hand Girl, and the reason Death makes Hell profitable, quarter after quarter. And she better tell me where she got those scissors cause I want a pair for myself now.

Atropos: They are nice, aren’t they! I’ll have my secretary email you the info. She picked them out for me. She is such a goddess-send.

[… Fox unpacks the picnic basket …]

Clotho: So, I see you’ve got a theme going here. Fine china, tea with milk, lemon, or sugar. Cucumber cream-cheese sandwiches. Crumpets. And what looks like a delightful Trifle. Very much in keeping with Bärchen’s attire, and yours.

Fox: Thank you.

Lachesis: What do you want to pick for our topic of discussion, Bärchen? It was your rattling, after all, that brought you and your lovely wife here to see us.

Bärchen: I must admit, it all happened very suddenly. [glances at Fox] So, I may not be prepared with a very deep or profound question… But, it occurs to me to ask, what exactly is going on when you do your work? Your spinning, measuring, and cutting?

Atropos: That, if I may say, is actually a profound question. Many who see us assume they know, when they do not.

Clotho: Historically, we’re seen as creating the destiny of all things, or, at least of all Humans.

Lachesis: But we have been trained to see deeply into the Universe; to understand the process of change, of action and reaction, which you call Fate.

Atropos: And so we run a simulation, calculating, then recording, a line of causal relationships which form the Destiny of a thing.

Clotho: I started my career as a Zoologist. I wrote my thesis on an up-and-coming genus of primates on Earth, “Homo”. That was when the last trio of Moirai decided to retire. They thought I might be interested in what was about to happen with those primates, and they trained me in data storage, retrieval, and categorization. That was, what?, a little less than two million years ago.

Fox: And you don’t look a day over a million! Does she, Bärchen?

[… Bärchen nods …]

Lachesis: And I saw the need for Karma, Incorporated to get access to this data. At that time, I could tell “Homo” was going to challenge our practices and, really, our whole business model. I was trained in pattern analysis and the recognition of causal relationships. Accurate measurement is key in this process.

Atropos: Once that’s done, I run the simulation, giving statistical chances to various outcomes. And advising on possible courses of action. If asked…

Clotho: That’s the sticking point– “if asked”. We don’t get very many inquirers coming this way.

Lachesis: And when we do, they usually just want to hear a summary account of an ongoing situation.

Atropos: And the most likely outcome. Never mind a possible course of action to set things on a better course to a desired outcome.

Clotho: In other words, they believe Fate, once set in motion, is inevitable.

Lachesis: Or they believe we are responsible, and try to threaten or cajole us to change it according to their whim.

Atropos: I usually manage to think up a good riddle for the clueless ones. The mean ones we greet with silence.

Fox: So that’s where you get your nickname, O Implacable One! [laughs]

Atropos: Ha! I wear it as a badge of honor, sis!

Bärchen: That is fascinating. Lot’s to think about… I did have just one more question, if I may–where are we, exactly?

Clotho: One of the authors from your time coined an interesting term– he referred to Non-Ordinary Reality as “backstage”. His view of Non-Ordinary Reality was actually a watered down version of it, however.

Lachesis: But, using that metaphor, we are backstage of backstage. It’s the best place from which to observe the workings of both Realities, using a minimal set of metaphors…

Atropos: Or “variables”, to use the term from simulations.

Fox: It is delightful here. I love hearing that music Bärchen mentioned before; I mean, the way Time flows here. [to Bärchen] I hear it as music, my dear. It’s quite lovely.

Bärchen: I wish I could! At least I can feel your Joy. In any case, I can feel the fugue-like texture of it.

Fox: I’ll play some Bach that I think is close to it when we get home, so you can get an idea.

Atropos: Speaking of Time, I think it is time to cut the Trifle.

Fox: Oh, yes. Would you do us the honor?

Atropos: Of course!

[… Conversation continues in matters ranging from the ridiculous to the sublime, until the contents of the picnic basket are finished. Then Fox and Bärchen take their leave, and with a rattle and an incantation they are transported back home…]

Bärchen: My love, that was truly amazing! But, I was going to ask… you know Atropos through Persephone, but how did you get to know Persephone, Goddess of Hell Herself?

Fox: Well, I had to work for her for a few years to earn the right to, you know, pull you into my Evil Clutches.

Bärchen: Oh, no! Yes, I’m your captive, and your every wish is my command!

Fox: It better be! [smiles]

Bärchen: So what did you do for her?

Fox: Well, some scary stuff, mostly. You know, scaring the living daylights out of whomever. Occasionally we had to rough ’em up a bit, but usually the scary part was enough. You know, that phrase “scare the shit out of someone” is actually pretty accurate, in a lot of cases.

Bärchen: Ah! So that’s where you get that… palette of yours!

Fox: Yeah, but through all that she really took care of me. She’s the one who drew up the pre-nuptials I had you sign.

Bärchen: I had a feeling that was all pretty airtight, and comprehensive. Should’a known it came straight out of Hell.

Fox: But it’s worth it, isn’t it?

Bärchen: It is. And I think I have most of the provisions memorized by now. [winks] And I got what I wanted– I found my treasure hidden in a field. And I had almost despaired of finding it! Didn’t know I was looking for you all along.

Fox: Don’t worry, Bärchen, I’m clutching you tight. You are a keeper. Oh! Here it is. Listen to this– Fugue in G Major, a la Gigue, BWV 577 …played by Virgil Fox, no less. [closes her eyes and hums along] … Isn’t it great, Bärchen?