Blue Fox Shaman

Let’s play “The Temptation”.

You mean the “Temptations”? Did you get one of their albums?

No, no, I mean “The Temptation”. Let’s play, shall we? I’ll be the Devil and you can be Jesus.

Again!? You were the Devil last time.

But you make such a good Jesus I just wanna crucify you on the cross of my…

Mmmm Hmmm. I guess so…

Okay, I’ll start. [reading from Luke 4:1-13] “And Jesus, full of the Holy Spirit, returned from the Jordan and was led by the Spirit in the wilderness for forty days, being tempted by the devil. And he ate nothing during those days. And when they were ended, he was hungry. The devil said to him, “If you are the Son of God, command this stone to become bread.””

“And Jesus answered him…” … “And Jesus answered him…” Ahem! that’s your cue.

Oh, right. Sorry, I was feeling like a bit of a nosh just now. What was that you said about bread?

I said, “If you are the Son of God, command this stone to become bread.”

[clearing throat] “It is written, ‘Man shall not live by bread alone.’” … Well, duh! I thought we could get a little more than just bread. I mean, what’s the problem here?

I’m trying to get you to do a miracle, apparently [looks at Bible] a gratuitous one, for the sake of… Oh, I don’t know. I guess because God should do the same thing as the rest of us, and wait for a table at Franklin Barbecue in Austin, Texas. Woohoo! Shout out to Austin. You keep Texas queer, ya hear!

Uh…, are we going to play this game or not? Okay, after this we go get a bite. Some place that serves breadsticks.

That’s your answer?

It is, yes.

Okay. Point for Jesus. Let’s keep going. “And the devil took him up and showed him all the kingdoms of the world in a moment of time, and said to him, “To you I will give all this authority and their glory, for it has been delivered to me, and I give it to whom I will. If you, then, will worship me,
it will all be yours.” And Jesus answered him…

“It is written, …” Hey. Wait a minute. Why would you want to give up all that just to be worshipped? Are you daft? You must be really low in self-esteem, or really need approval. I mean, what the heck…

No, no, no. That’s all wrong. You’re supposed to say “‘You shall worship the Lord your God, and him only shall you serve.’”

What?! God is the needy one now?! I’m going with you’re just the needy one.

Sheesh! Okay. Another point for Jesus… Hmmm! It says here you just scored 10,000 points against Monotheistic Religion. Who are they?

It’s in another game world I play in. I’ll teach it to you. It’s got a lot of swords and violence, and… stuff. It’s kinda like Grand Theft Auto.

No thank you. I like my Pagan World Builder just fine.

Okay, your loss. Let’s keep going.

“And he… er, she took him to Jerusalem and set him on the pinnacle of the temple and said to him, “If you are the Son of God, throw yourself down from here, for it is written, “‘He will command his angels concerning you, to guard you,’ and “‘On their hands they will bear you up, lest you strike your foot against a stone.’””

Oh, right! This is the one people think of when they say that the Devil can quote scripture to suit his own needs. Or, in this case, that would be to suit “her” own needs.

People never see how that applies to them.

You’re so right!

And you’re doing it too, just now.

I am. Of course.

Okay, 2 points for irony. That’s good. Would you like to answer the question? “And Jesus answered her…”

““It is said, ‘You shall not put the Lord your God to the test.’” No! Wait a minute. That doesn’t make any sense. This is about the self harm, isn’t it? I know… I mean, yeah, “forgive yourself”! It’s hard to talk about.

Yeah, I get it… it’s okay. Take your time… Huh! So that vulnerability just now gave you 50 points and the win. You’re getting good at this. “And when the devil had ended every temptation, she departed from him until an opportune time.”

Does that mean we can go get something to eat now?

Yeah, I just have to fix my makeup. I’ll be right back at “an opportune time.”

[15 minutes later, as they are leaving]

By the way, I always win!

By the way, I always let you win.